Recent Posts

Bithub Com

1 minute read

BitHub.com

One of the biggest questions I get from the public – be it as an IT Security researcher or just good friend:

FTB, first off, just want to say thanks so much for all the IT security tips and tricks. It’s really changed my life. In fact, I’ve decided to call my new born son Azreev in honour of the ‘Prince Azreev’ article!

Oh wait, that wasn’t the question. That was just an average sample of my fan mail. The main question I receive is:

FTB, what the hell is bitcoin? Everyone is buying it, so I did too. That means i’m smart right?

Bit-Groin, amirite?? HAHAHAH-

I could go on all day about Bitcoin. The tech behind it is fascinating, and fucking cool. But something in the blockchain is currently making headlines from our favourite cryptocurrency:

Child Porn.

In the huge blockchain of transactions that make up Bitcoins history – you are allowed to add a message (generally a note about the transaction itself) but of course, this has been abused, as everything that gets exposed to the internet does. Researchers have just found thousands of links to child porn images, and have found at least one full image embedded in the blockchain. So if you have a bitcoin wallet – you probably have kiddie porn on your PC!

Sure the price fell, and its impossible to get rid of these links so – death of blockchain as we know it? I’m sure the regulators are ready to pounce on this one…

Tip of the day: If you find something like this in another currency, make sure you sell it and short it before messaging the New York Times!

FTB OUT.

Posted on March 16, 2018

People Hear Me

less than 1 minute read

People! Hear me!

Closing background apps on your phone makes the battery drain faster, not slower! Stop it!

If you want to be paid quickly, get revolut!

Don’t believe anything you read on the internet! This blog is an exception!

#wengerin!

Posted on March 15, 2018March 15, 2018

Clean Shirt

1 minute read

Clean Shirt

How many shirts would a clean shirt clean if a clean shirt could clean shirts?

Hi everyone, I’m back! I know it’s been a rather large hiatus. Work has actually been busy – who saw that coming – plus I have so many extra curricular activities I find it hard to make time to update everyone on security.

Anyway, let’s get straight into it – clean shirt?? Sure, I’m an accountant and I wear one FTB, what gives??

Clean shirt is a member of staff at my work who always wears crispy clean shirts (suspect his Thai wife has something to do with the quality of the ironing) and is very loud, obnoxious, and annoying. Every day at 8:30 on the dot, he is blasting away about some shit story – if he has exhausted the racist rants about his team that is.

It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to wear shirts in public anymore, let alone clean ones!

Peep show coined our villians name

I’m sure you all have a ‘clean shirt’ at your work. So the question is, what can I do about it? I’ve tried a few methods, none of which are even having limited success..

  • Talking down to him even though he is in a managerial position
  • Completely ignoring him while he addresses me directly
  • Said ‘have you heard of email cunt?’ when he was yelling his head off to a colleague about different fabric softener brands
  • Worn dirty shirts

Nothing seems to work. The guy thinks he’s super important and is planning the next desk move. Since I am actually important, two guesses where i’ll be sitting…thank god for noise cancelling headphones.

Well watch this space guys…let us know your clean shirt solutions in the comments, and join me in saying…

Posted on January 30, 2018February 7, 2018

Tickled Pink About Thames Link

less than 1 minute read

Right, straight into it – Finsbury Park Station is becoming even better.

Opening in the next few months are new state-of-the-art Thameslink Trains, connecting from Finsbury to Brighton. This includes stops at KCSP, Blackfriars, AND Gatwick!

The line is using new tunnels in an effort to stop congestion of people doing the Vic – Northern Bank branch route. In just 14 years the amount of people using this route has increased 70%.! 8 Trains an hour will run, and there will even be an app that tells you the status of the train, which carriages have seats available, among many other cool things.

So now Finsbury Park has the bullet, PFC, Rowans, BoF, plus direct trains to Stansted, Gatwick AND Heathrow! Southern Fairys – how about you move back to London?

Stay tuned for more security tips! FTB out.

Posted on January 5, 2018

British Plugs

less than 1 minute read

British Plugs

Aren’t they the best in the world? You might step on one in the dark and it proper knacks, but that’s just another sign that it’s a sturdy plug!

Have you ever been to the continent with those scary 2 prong things that just plug into live sockets and sometimes they crackle? They scare the shit out of me. Most of them don’t even have switches to turn them on and off before you stick your fingers there to pull the plug out.

Power surge? The fuse in the plug blows instead of your TV!

Kid trying to stick things in the plug? No worries, you need something plugged into the earth socket before it opens the slots for the actual live parts of the circuit. How bloody good is that?

Also, do kids in other countries learn the beauty of how to wire a plug and change a fuse?

How good are British plugs?

Posted on January 4, 2018

Im Lazy Heres Some Work Conversation Starters

less than 1 minute read

I’m Lazy, here’s some work conversation starters

  • About 1/4 of all mammal species are bats.
  • 80% of Soviet males born in 1923 didn’t survive WWII.
  • Lake Superior has 10% of all the fresh water in the world.
  • Jurassic Park was released closer to the Moon landing than to the present day.
  • It took 4 times longer for man to go from bronze swords to iron swords than iron swords to nuclear weapons.
  • When they first calculated the height of mount everest they decided to add a couple feet because they figured nobody would believe that it was exactly 29,000ft.

“Peak XV (measured in feet) was calculated to be exactly 29,000 ft (8,839.2 m) high, but was publicly declared to be 29,002 ft (8,839.8 m) in order to avoid the impression that an exact height of 29,000 feet (8,839.2 m) was nothing more than a rounded estimate.”

  • Oxford University is older than the Aztec Empire
  • The U.S. spends more on its military defense budget than the next seven countries combined.

Hopefully a higher effort post next time?

Keep tuning in for security tips!

Posted on December 20, 2017

Www Nah Ww1

less than 1 minute read

WWW? Nah, WW1

Did you know that within the first 6 months of Britain entering the great war, Germany already had bombers flying over London?

German Zeppelin over St Pauls Cathedral

In fact, the first bomb dropped on London was near the River, in Stoke Newington. As the German Kaiser and the British King were cousins, the Kaiser ordered incendiary bombs to be dropped only on the outskirts of London (North London and East, mainly) but there were also a few dropped on South London (Pimlico) and even South England (Clapham)!

These big balls of Hydrogen could carry 6 gunners, 2 being stationed on the top of the balloon, and enough bombs to light up about 5 houses. Once the war became more intense over time, the Kaiser ordered Central London to be bombed also – but try not hit the landmarks!

The Zeppelins were launched from Belgium, and as such, they could be blown away with a small amount of wind. In fact, many were shot down this way, as they couldn’t get home quick enough to outrun the RAF.

Posted on December 1, 2017December 1, 2017

Genuine Genuine Shit

1 minute read

Genuine? Genuine shit!

Here’s a ball-buster for you:

‘Genuine’ leather is the second-worst type of leather there is.

That’s right. It’s actually shit leather, treated and cut up to be made to look like a real leather piece.
This got me thinking – what else is thought of as ‘good’ but actually isn’t? Well NZ’ers, buckle up, you might hear some things that aren’t nice.

1: Most of the Kiwifruit consumed in NZ is actually imported.

I went back home in February, and immediately jumped in to the food cupboard, wanting some actual taste after 2 years in London. After having what seemed like the best Kiwifruit I’ve ever tasted – turns out it was from Italy. Turns out, continental Europe get all our best Kiwifruit. If you wan’t good NZ goods, move to Spain.

2: Overseas, NZ meat is considered cheap, and ‘middle to low grade’

We are brought up thinking we are the tits, but overseas, the cheap cuts of lamb are most often from NZ. After a bit of research, I found that even our top cuts of export lamb are considered ‘middle grade’ meat – most overseas consumers find it too ‘muttony’ or gamey. The same goes for our beef too. In school, being told we are the best in the meat trade is almost like a pledge of allegiance, and this surprised me.

3: Almost every single underground line is ripping you off for the price.

Two years of study by the scientists at ftb.com have made an astounding discovery – aside from only ONE line, the underground is ripping you off more than a Romanian shell game on Westminster Bridge.
How you ask?
All underground lines cost the same. For the same price as the Victoria Line (which is perfectly in equilibrium pricing) the other lines have the nerve to charge the same for their shit service. No wonder the Northern Line has the most suicides – by far.

Experts have found the VL suicides are actually from old people, wanting the see the old girl at their last moments.

Let me know if there are any topics you would like me to cover on ftb.com. Cheers for tuning in.

Posted on November 21, 2017

The Beauty Of Computers

less than 1 minute read

The Beauty of Computers

While surfing the web, I often come across interesting quotes by great men, philosophers, economists. One that particularly stood out to me today was this:

Also:

“Continuous effort – not strength or intelligence – is the key to unlocking our potential.”

It made me think: this is the true beauty and power of computers. While humans are smart*, we get frustrated and tired and sick of doing things over and over. Computers will try and fail at a task billions of times, only to re-take it up another billion times with the same enthusiasm.  They can even learn and change their approach along the way.

I think the moral of this story is: how long until I am coded out of my job? Not long I think.

Edit: The response to this piece has been truly wonderful and I have received some great letters. Reading up on Churchill has really intrigued me to learn more about him, I may write an expose on him next! 🙂

*Can be smart some of the time

Posted on October 26, 2017