Recent Posts

Genius Lockdown Idea

less than 1 minute read

Genius lockdown idea!

Hi all, today I have a really special treat for you, that will make you go ‘why didn’t I think of that??’

It’s a tip for this lockdown we all find ourselves in, and could have huge financial upsides with very little downside risk:

Commit some crimes.

That’s right – as long as you keep the crimes minor or white-collar enough, you will only be sentenced to house arrest, which you are fucking doing already! It’s basically risk free!

Examples of some house arrest crimes:

Examples include driving while intoxicated and many white-collar crimes, such as fraud or embezzlement.

Go out and drive! Scam some of the working class! …pmac!

Thanks for tuning in to this great tip.

Edit: My editor requested I removed one of the crime ideas.

Posted on April 25, 2020

Cooking Tips For Lockdown

less than 1 minute read

Cooking tips for lockdown

Get a honing stick for your knives. You should be honing them every week to keep them nice and sharp, and sharpen them about every 6-12 months. It really makes a difference, especially if you use a plastic cutting board.

Also get a meat thermometer. You will wonder how you ever lived without. 55-60 degrees for a perfect medium rare!

Posted on April 16, 2020

Looks Like The Recession Is Cancelled After All

less than 1 minute read

Looks like the recession is cancelled after all…

Today on my daily exercise I noticed that all of the cafes are open in Highbury, selling takeaway coffee and croissants.

I saw big lines of people, all standing two meters apart, waiting to get their fix.

Not only are people still paying over 3 quid for a coffee, but they are fucking queuing for 30 minutes to get it.

Why can’t they open pubs for takeaway Guinness?? FFS I can make a coffee at home. The Guinness cans just aren’t in the same universe, let alone the same level as one from the keg.

Thanks for tuning in to this weeks security tips!

Posted on March 9, 2020

Stansted Airport Tip

less than 1 minute read

Stansted Airport Tip

Finally got to measure my hunch last night at Stansted Airport. When lining up for E-Passport gates, always take the LEFT hand lane.

The left line has almost twice as many machines as the right hand line, and the line is actually shorter. I measured this by tracking a guy next to me who took the right hand line – I would estimate him to be at least 10 minutes behind me as I went through.

Also, if it says ‘seek assistance’ just exit, re-enter and try again. And then try a different line if it doesn’t work. Just like computing, turning it off and on again works!

Posted on February 27, 2020

Letters To The Editor Podcasts

1 minute read

Letters to the Editor: Podcasts

This week we have a letter from G. Bod, his question:

FTB, thanks so much for this blog, it is incredibly well written, sometimes moving, and has saved me from the internet bad guys countless times. Anyway my question – I really love broadening my horizons and learning about things other than accounting. What are some interesting podcasts you like that I can listen to?

I know what you are thinking dear readers: this is the guy who thought that South America speaks Spanish by coincidence – and who puts frozen chicken in the rice cooker – surely this question is made up. Well I think it’s great you want to broaden those horizons G!

This is a quick overview over a range of topics that I enjoyed and think are important. I am including youtube links but only including ones that are on Apple/Spotify/Podcast Addict too (use this app you mongs)

1. Peter Thiel x Eric Weinstein

This would be my must listen podcast. Thiel and Weinstein are extremely intelligent and know a range of issues, mainly to do with growth of industry, science and economy. They go over topics like ‘has the economy actually grown since the 70s?’ ‘What technological progress has happened outside the world of bits?’ ‘Why is physics/quantum physics study not bringing any real-world applications?’ ‘Where are the self driving cars and cancer cures?’

They also discuss what university has become and how shit it is. Might do an expose on that topic.

It’s really good.

2. Joe Rogan x Brian Cox

If you like astronomy and space, this podcast is a great taster. Rogan is pretty dumb, so keeps the conversation light and interesting. They go over topics like black holes, gravity, aliens, recent discoveries in astronomy and physics. Brian Cox is a great entertainer and really engaging for being a bit of a beta.

3. Joe Rogan x Ceara Lynch

This girl shits in bags and sells them to guys on the internet. Enough said.

I’ve got plenty more where these came from, especially in the science and astronomy areas. Let us know if you want more in the comments G!

Podcasts to avoid:

  • Freakonomics radio
  • Philosophize this!

Hope this answered your question G!

Cheers, FTB

Posted on February 27, 2020

Ive Made A Mistake

1 minute read

I’ve made a mistake.

Google cloud is fucking expensive!

The month of January cost £48 for this blog! Can you believe that? I know hard-hitting journalism isn’t free, but cmon Google you are trying to get in the cloud game – look out for the little guy!

A load balancer with one forwarding rule is £14 minimum. Just to sit there. Per month. Before tax. This is free in Azure.

The (1 core, 3.5gb ram) Server was over £20! Fucking criminal!

Needless to say, I have moved port to a free Azure subscription, we are back in Kubernetes, with a (2 core 4gb ram) VM, the whole exact same solution costing…

£15 per month. Which I plan to reduce with some trickery.

Lets not even talk about AWS…just to have the ‘right’ to have a Kubernetes cluster costs £160 per month…without any compute.

It really speaks to how good the team at FTB is that we can replatform the whole site to a new cloud in under 20 minutes without any DR planning – or even an Azure subscription.

Moral of the story is: Azure going to win the cloud wars!

Microsoft (Nasdaq: MSFT) stock has appeared to rally on the back of this announcement. FTB.com doesn’t hold any positions in any of the stocks mentioned.

Posted on February 18, 2020February 26, 2020

Photo Sharing Why Is It So Hard

1 minute read

Photo Sharing. Why is it so hard?

We’ve all been through it – Bae: “Send me the photos from yesterday. Rapido, adelente, ahora!”

You open up Whatsapp, select every photo and it’s 4 identical copies, and send multiple 12mb images that are somehow now 10kb.

Why are they so compressed? Because Whatsapp likes to save bandwidth and compresses the shit out of your images and videos. That’s why they always look pretty average on the other end, and can’t be printed out. Take this one shot of the blog on an iPhone 11 for example:

Why??

Oh wait, that was actually before it was compressed. haha. iPhone. Amirite?

So FTB, how should I be sending photos in good quality? iPhone and Android don’t really mix with device sharing…

If you aren’t using it already, and are happy to sell your soul to Google, download Google Photos. It is fantastic, and certified mint by FTB. They offer unlimited backups for free of photos, all tied into your gmail account, and it is available on IOS and Android!

The photos are compressed with Googles algo – which is surprisingly indistinguishable from original quality – kind of has to be seen to be believed…

Once your photos are in the app, you can share them via a cloud album, or just start a ‘chat’ with someone else and add them in there, just like Whatsapp.

Let me know in the comments if you want more tips like this!

Posted on February 14, 2020

Promise And Deliver

2 minute read

Promise and Deliver

Hi everyone, and welcome back to the FTB.com motivational series: Putting the ‘B’ into FTB – motivation and me!

Today we are going to look at the age old proverb: That you should always under promise, and over deliver.

In other words, you should exceed the customers expectations. Do what you know you can do. Keep everyone happy. This is shit advice!

But FTB, we were always told this since we were very young…?

In the real world, or the IT world – especially in big corporations – almost the opposite is true. It is advantageous to over promise – and people who do, tend to get to the top quicker. Why is that you ask?

Contracts. In a business, you are always competing for a contract of some sort (new project at work, being noticed in the team, a sale to a customer) and the guy who promises the most bang for buck wins. Plain and simple. If you over promise over your peers, you win the contract – and you have to be in to win. Now you would say that over promising can be dangerous – as the customer may never come back if you under deliver – and you would be right. But this generally tends to not be the case, as people understand that delays are a thing, problems come up.

Let’s take an example – in your car you’ve blown a tranny (not literally @Trandy!) and you take it to two mechanics for a quote. Both mechanics don’t know how to fix transmissions – and Mr Nice Guy “Mechanic A” says the truth, it might take a while. “Mechanic B” (our avid FTB.com readers) would say: “Fuck yes I know how to fix trannys. My mates one.”

In the end, Mechanic B gets the money, gets the car, and now needs to learn how to fix transmissions fuckin fast. And under pressure, people tend to perform. He gets the money, and gets the job done even though he didn’t know he could do it. Even if he couldn’t do it in time, too bad, I have the car and it may take a couple days longer.

Over delivering is pointless, bosses don’t appreciate it. They will just give you more work to do and won’t let you leave early.

This is nice, but what you really want to do is over promise and over deliver.

True greatness in history always comes from a person over promising. You don’t create something amazing by doing what you know. When IBM asked Bill Gates if DOS would be ready in the next week in the 90’s, he said ‘Yes it’s basically done’ – even though he hadn’t written a single line of code (true story).

Bill Gates said he’d be able to jump this chair – he never had jumped before

I promise you guys amazing, well thought out IT journalism and by god I keep just going that extra mile. That’s why this blog is as big as it is.

Remember, life is easier the lower you keep everyone’s expectations. Until the next one!

Posted on December 10, 2019

Guess Whos Back

1 minute read

Guess who’s back

Hello followers!

New year, new company, new platform. The blog is back online after over a year!

Why offline for so long you ask? Well, AWS gives a free tier of servers for a year. After a year and a bit, I started realizing that keeping a blog running without ads isn’t free, and had to pull the pin. I want to give the best experience for all of you, so instead of putting ads on the blog I just decided to shut down in protest.

So why am I back? Good news, Google Cloud Platform offers £200 in free hosting, so I’m gonna be back for a while! And once again, our tech stack is completely different!

Dear readers, our journey has taken us from our humble beginnings – a single Amazon server, 1gb ram, 0.5 cores with NGINX installed – to a 2gb ram / 1 core Docker host – we are now at the pinnacle of blog power…

Master forgive me…but we now have…

TWO 8gb ram / 2 core hosts running KUBERNETES behind Cloudflare!

We have auto deployment, helm registry, istio, Lets encrypt with ACME – jesus this tech stack is a recruiters wet dream.

For all the noobs out there, this basically means the blog should go down less than it used to (that was about every day)

In other news, I had a letter recently from David Hills asking why the blog now sends updates to his spam box in his email. Good question David!

See you in the next one.

This post is sponsored by Mountain Dew! When your firewalls are sweatin’, make sure you keep that thirst quenched! That’s why FTB says – DO THE DEW!

Posted on April 3, 2018

Ftb Rants Ryanair

2 minute read

FTB Rants: RyanAir

Whether you love ’em or hate ’em, chances are, you aren’t a part of the ‘95% of flights are on time!’

Welcome back to another edition of FTB rants, where we talk all things security, IT, and everything in between. Today’s victim, the future #1 most hated company in Europe, RyanAir.

There are many reasons to dislike RyanAir, the largest (and saddest) is the destruction of Europe’s best destinations with tourists. Flights can be so cheap now, the ‘RyanAir effect’ has every weekend of the year flooding beautiful places like Prague, Venice, Barcelona with mongs and lager-louts – where it used to be reserved for nice, cultured, unassuming, well dressed rich people!

The main problem I want to discuss today however, is the seating algorithm. over 6 Months ago, I posted about why I hate RyanAir, because the seating algorithm seemed to have changed. You used to get put together if you were on the same booking, but overnight it seemed randomly allocated. RyanAir was called out at the time, to which they responded:

We have not changed our seating algorithm at all. It is random, as it always has been.

Bullshit.

I recently went to Portugal with bae, and paid £220 for my flight. So cheap, I know. When going to check in, the site said:
‘warning, you are not sitting together! Upgrade for £8.’
I’m not the kind of guy to have 8 bucks lying around, so voila, we were sitting apart. Me in row 31, her in row 4.

The lady next to me asked if I could switch with her husband, who was in the row in front. She was in the middle, and so was he, so I didn’t want to give up my aisle seat. Now here’s the kicker – the seat next to her was empty. The husband just got up and moved. Also, the seat next to bae was empty. And the son of this couple was the seat over from that, next to bae!

After take-off, everyone is getting up and moving seats due to this bullshit.

The algorithm basically is this: You will be seated in a middle seat  by default – unless you sitting there means that you get to sit next to your partner (or enable another couple to sit next to each other). It will also try to put you as far from your partner as possible. I saw a woman get allocated a middle seat, when she was the only person in a row.

So how do you win? Just check in as late as possible. Like in the last 10 minutes. You will get the emergency exit row, as they save these for last in case anyone pays for them. You will also get a chance of sitting next to your partner this way. PLUS they reserve space for your bag!

Fuck RyanAir. FTB out.

Posted on March 22, 2018